In point three miles turn right
The sun was setting and Jeff was trying to find his way through the Texas panhandle. He'd received a letter that, Donnie, an old friend from his childhood days had passed away in Singapore on an archeology mission and that they were having the funeral in his hometown. Unfortunately, Jeff had lost touch with Donnie years ago and was amazed he even was invited but felt obliged to go.
Turn right now
Jeff pulled off the state highway onto a dirt road. The plains were so expansive you could see all the way to the horizon in every direction and there was nothing to be seen but dirt. The sky was beautiful though as the sun was setting off to his left and a storm cloud was ahead of him. It was one of those storm clouds you that you could see the lightening inside the cloud popping away, like some fireworks show that had created so much smoke only the flashes of light could be seen.
Recalculating...
"What, why are you recalculating now, I didn't do anything wrong."
Recalculating...
"Give me a break."
Doble a la dereche y corre por su vida
Recalculating...
"What'd you say, I don't speak Spanish, good Lord, I'm turning you off."
Jeff turned off his GPS and reached around behind the passenger seat to find the map of Texas. Surey it was back here, socks, an umbrella...toilet paper?
"Where's that stupid map?"
The road was straight and he turned behind looked behind the seat to see if the map was there.
CRACK!
"Holy ... Jeff slammed the breaks."
CRACK TING CRACK CRACK
Hail started to fall from the storm and put a massive spiderweb crack in his windshield.
"Ah man, you gotta be kidding me."
Drive point three miles and arrive at destination
"I thought I turned you off", he opened his glove box and his GPS clearly thought he was there.
Jeff pulled back onto the road and looked ahead through the hail. It was difficult to see though and he could make out something large on the side of the road up ahead. It looked like a huge house. Suddenly as he got closer the hail stopped completely and he saw what it was. It was an old circus tent. One of the styles you only see in movies about the 1930's. Circular with red and yellow stripes going up to a point.
Pulling his car up to the tent he wondered first where the heck everyone was. Maybe he had the time wrong. Secondly why on Earth would anyone have a funeral in a circus tent out here in quite clearly the middle of nowwhere. He got out of the car and walked around the tent looking for the entrance. As he walked around he felt somewhat calmed as there was an old 1980's Cadillac parked around the other side.
He walked around the tent for 5 minutes, three times he passed by his car and he didn't see an entrance. Finally he stopped and walked back to his car, this must be a mistake. He opened the door sat down and straight in front of him he saw the flap to open the door.
"How did I miss that?"
He got out walked to the tent, opened it and walked in. There were some lights on, with bleacher seats all sitting around a center ring. There wasn't anyone there but in the center right was what looked like a manhole, with a ladder coming out. He could here mumbling coming from the manhole and wondered if the Cadillac man went down there.
"Hello!? Is anyone here?"
He looked at the manhole and he saw many foot prints walking through the sand around the hole and he could see words written with someone's finger in the sand but it was obstucted by the foot prints.
don H pe All Ye W nter ere
He yelled down the manhole,
"Hello!"
He thought this must be crazy but what harm could going down do. He needed to find the Cadillac man and get directions and clearly he had to be down there.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
My Theory of and Method for Intergenerational Philanthropy
One of the most unfortunate facts about living in the world today (and almost any day for the matter) is that a large majority of the world's wealth belongs to a very small percentage of the world. If you are so lucky as to be in that top percentage that does not necessarily mean that this theory doesn't apply to you. In fact, it applies more to the wealthy than the poor. The goal is to create a family who, driven by the ideals of Christianity, can become the greatest philanthropic force ever.
Before I begin, it's important to stress the importance of charity. In addition to alleviating the massive disproportionate distribution of wealth charity is the single most important Christian activity one can participate in outside of Mass. We are called by Jesus to love our neighbors, and we are told that when we clothe and feed them, we are really clothing and feeding him. This act of Agape or self-giving love is tremendously important if we are to live a Christian life. Also, while critics might point out that it is impossible to alleviate the world of hunger, we need to emulate the lives of the Saints like Mother Theresa of Calcutta who despite unbelievable odds stacked against her, used the power of prayer to build her hope which in turn gave her the patience to meet her charitable challenges every day.
While there are many more points that can be used to justify the act of philanthropy, this theory presupposes the reader already agrees with them. I will present the theory then we will talk about why it is true, and then get into the method for achieving it.
Assumption 1: The notional size of philanthropic cash flows over time grows with inflation
Assumption 2: The base family net worth (or that which is not given away to Charity) stays above a critical inflation adjusted amount X where X is equal to the amount of money necessary to sustain a family off the income from a risk free investment for their entire lives.
Theory: The net present value of future philanthropic cash flows from each consecutive generation of a family are greater than any one generation can produce.
The proof for the argument is fairly simple if you've taken an introductory finance class at some point. Because of the assumptions we have made, we can deduce that if the first philanthropic cash flow from the first generation is equal to A, then each consecutive generation will give an amount whose net present value with respect to inflation is greater than or equal to A. Because of this the sum of the net present value of future cash flows for n generations is greater than or equal to A*n. This number has no limit while each i generation is limited in the amount it can give (X + Ai), it goes without saying that there exists a value n where A*n > (X+Ai) for any value of X. Essentially as the generations pass, the value of the total family gift to charity approaches infinity.
Now THAT is a big charitable gift.
Most people don't think about cash flows across generations. Many of us live paycheck to paycheck. That is the income stream that we see. On a micro scale the same theory applies. With each paycheck we eventually (hopefully) save enough money to retire. Retirement doesn't mean we stop earning money but it does mean that we have saved enough money that we can live off of that money for the rest of our lives. Some of us might be so lucky as to have saved enough to live off the income streams from our net worth without actually depleting its value. In addition, no matter who are, as we save more and more, the amount of money we earn by simply keeping our savings in the bank increases over time, so our non-work related income increases. Lastly, if we were to give a percentage of our savings away to charity every paycheck, as our savings grew, so would the size of our charitable gift.
Simply extend this concept to the next generation and add a couple of assumptions and you will quickly see how the theory takes shape. While you might be saying to yourself, "Yeah but…" at this point, you are right to question; however, the method achieving this should assuage any worries you have already.
Method
The unfortunate problem of intergenerational philanthropic giving is the first generation will most likely not see the fruits of their labor. One must truly believe in family in order to put such a plan into action. The theory assumes that you are already of this nature, and that your family will continue endlessly throughout time. This brings me to my first and most important activity, teaching the children the importance of family, and the joy of agape.
Step 1: Raise your family properly
Selfish greed and materialistic influences are hard to avoid, especially in a capitalist environment. If we have done our job well as parents our children will have the tools necessary to fight these influences. The primary tool is faith in God and Jesus who tells us that charity is an act of love not only to our neighbors but also to him. This will then translate into a love for humanity as a whole and this should through the Holy Spirit create a desire to give. The second tool is knowledge. Without knowledge and understanding it will be hard to see how the plan of intergenerational philanthropy works nor will they have critical decision making skills necessary to choose where the cash flows go when it comes time to give. At the center of this knowledge are the studies of Mathematics, Finance, Economics and Geo Socioeconomics. Lastly we need to give our children the tool of hope. Without hope they will be unable to take risks, and unable to truly trust the generations they will not know. If they are truly knowledgeable they will have the ability to earn income off of X greater than inflation through investment. While risky, if well balanced and done intelligently, this should be encouraged for those generations that are capable.
Step 2: Save, save, save
If you are, as I stated in the first paragraph, the lucky few in the top percentage of wealth then step 2 is important, but NOWHERE near as important as it is for those hoping to get up to that level. In order to achieve the value X (the value at which a generation can live comfortably off the income streams from a risk free investment alone), we need to save that much. Depending on where we are on the wealth ladder, this might be impossible in one generation. If we can educate ourselves well enough to generate an income stream large enough to live off of comfortably and save, we can start building our families net worth towards X. This is not a foreign concept except most of us think in terms of retirement not in terms of an intergenerational retirement. For those that cannot reach X within one generation, if we are diligent and have followed Step 1, we can give to our children some of if not all of what we've saved and they will continue the pursuit of X.
Now, one of the tricky points is the value of X changes. Because of inflation, the cost of living for each consecutive generation increases, so the size of the income stream of X which is large enough to sustain a generation needs to grow over time. The only way this is possible is for X to grow faster than inflation. The primary method of this growth will come from the savings of future generations. This is why Step 2 is even important for those who have already reached X. If we have followed Step 1 well, we can hopefully produce a generation who does not need to live off the income stream from X and can add to it. This ideal scenario rapidly increases the size of the family net worth above X as it will grow also from its own compounding interest. But, we need to be aware that anything can happen to our children and we need to provide a source of income for them so they might live without fear. We cannot assume that our children will produce income, otherwise our theory becomes false as eventually, statistics will take over and a generation will require the income stream.
Step 3: Give, give, give
Once you've completed the first two steps and you have reached the family net worth X, first of all, congratulations, you are now very wealthy. Second of all, congratulations, you now have the ability to start giving great amounts to charity. There are two types of generations as we discussed: those that produce income, and those that need the income stream off X. Both of which will be receiving income of the amount Wi + Xi where Wi is the income received from work and Xi is the income received from the family savings. Each generation must use the knowledge given to them in Step 1 to determine three percentages. Whether or not Wi = 0 or not a percentage of income must be given to charity, C, a percentage must be saved, S, and a percentage must be used for living expenses L. C+S+L = 100%. Even if a generation does not have the ability to produce Wi greater than 0, they might be able to decrease their living expenses L to give to charity C and save S. This cannot be assumed, but under the most difficult circumstance where net family value does not increase during a generation or actually decreases due to necessity then the next capable generation must return to step 2 and attempt to return the net family value to X.
Step 4: Community Service
No matter what type of generation we are, we must give to charity in some form or another. Luckily, not all charity is in the form of money. By performing community service we are actually giving to charity through our time and talent as opposed to treasure. While it is hard to put a notional value on this type of giving it is very important and often the most personally rewarding. Whether we are at Step 2 or Step 3, a portion or all of C, the percentage we give to charity, can come from the form of community service. In the world today the power of money is immense and a huge number of lives can be helped through that power; however, lives can be touched on a much more intimate level through community service.
Conclusion
These methods will produce a family which according to the theory above can give to charity an amount never before thought possible. In many ways, this theory comes out of investment theory, but instead of investing our income we are investing our lives and the lives of our children, and their children down the line. It doesn't take long before you realize that the better we are at Step 1 and 2, the faster we can reach step 3 and the greater amount we can give.
In addition, to teaching our children, it doesn't take long to realize that if this is possible, and anyone can do it, teaching others the same methods dramatically increases the amount given to charity. As the number of families actually reaching step 3 increases, the greater poverty and hunger is destroyed. Eventually it is mathematically possible and statistically a fact that if enough people try these methods and teach them we can completely level the distribution of income to a point where everyone can live comfortably. And to those that question whether an even distribution of income sounds socialist; the existence of the rich and the poor does not prove the existence of capitalism, only greed.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
The Prophecy
The great ancestors would never understand what a 20 year sunrise felt like. Camil had been raised on the Mohammed Population Transporter, and since childhood the nebula surrounding what used to be called Centaurus B (now called Aurocia) has grown larger and larger outside the viewing deck. Originally beautiful as a child, now the glow from the nebula filled the viewing deck with a golden light that could only be described as heavenly. She was somewhat jaded having studied it in school and seen it every day of her life completly unobstructed, the idea of a rain cloud blocking her view of heaven was a foreign concept.
The Mohammed was part of a fleet of population transports that were created to transport life from Earth to other Galaxies. Life on Earth was impossible after the catastrophic industrial accident of 2211. The megacorporation Envirokeep had started the process of cleaning the planet via what was believed to be the safest method possible, solar destruction. The Envirokeep would harvest all the trash from landfills and send them off to be destroyed in the sun. Unfortunately, there was a horrible chemical reaction that occured between the Hydrogen that the sun was burning and the chemical waste that was also being destroyed. However slightly, the chemical nature of the sun changed and this dramatically increased the speed at which it burned through it's hydrogen reserves. This in turn not only increased the UV and Gamma exposure to Earth it also moved the Sun on a fast track to death.
The fleet of ships, the Mohammed, Elijah, Isaiah, Jeremiah, and Ezekiel were part of the Prophecy Project, an international effort to save the human race. The world was divded and loaded onto the ships which set off on their mission towards what was at the time called Centaurus B. The division was difficult and decades went by before a final tally could be decided. The ships have flown adjascant to each other for 250 years, exchanging passengers between each other on smaller craft, they became the new countries. Unfortunately 100 years ago a war broke out between the Jeremiah and the Ezekial. The intraship government of the Ezekial believed it should have rights to determine the course of it's own ship and those aboard. A civil war insued and a biological attack was used against the Ezekial, killing all passangers aboard and roughly 20% of the surviving human race. It now floats in empty space, forever entombing those who died.
The product of this attack was the installation of one overarching government controlling with an iron fist, the 4 remaining vessells. They vowed never to let humans suffer from such an insurrection and the controlling members have never lost power except in death when their duties are passed to new members who are chosen by the existing members. When the libertarians aboard Mohammed tried a revolution they were quickly subdued by the ultra powerful police state that had been created. Subsequent efforts on other ships were dealt with just as swiftly. Eventually history says we realized the wisedom of The Board and we never questioned them again.
The Mohammed was part of a fleet of population transports that were created to transport life from Earth to other Galaxies. Life on Earth was impossible after the catastrophic industrial accident of 2211. The megacorporation Envirokeep had started the process of cleaning the planet via what was believed to be the safest method possible, solar destruction. The Envirokeep would harvest all the trash from landfills and send them off to be destroyed in the sun. Unfortunately, there was a horrible chemical reaction that occured between the Hydrogen that the sun was burning and the chemical waste that was also being destroyed. However slightly, the chemical nature of the sun changed and this dramatically increased the speed at which it burned through it's hydrogen reserves. This in turn not only increased the UV and Gamma exposure to Earth it also moved the Sun on a fast track to death.
The fleet of ships, the Mohammed, Elijah, Isaiah, Jeremiah, and Ezekiel were part of the Prophecy Project, an international effort to save the human race. The world was divded and loaded onto the ships which set off on their mission towards what was at the time called Centaurus B. The division was difficult and decades went by before a final tally could be decided. The ships have flown adjascant to each other for 250 years, exchanging passengers between each other on smaller craft, they became the new countries. Unfortunately 100 years ago a war broke out between the Jeremiah and the Ezekial. The intraship government of the Ezekial believed it should have rights to determine the course of it's own ship and those aboard. A civil war insued and a biological attack was used against the Ezekial, killing all passangers aboard and roughly 20% of the surviving human race. It now floats in empty space, forever entombing those who died.
The product of this attack was the installation of one overarching government controlling with an iron fist, the 4 remaining vessells. They vowed never to let humans suffer from such an insurrection and the controlling members have never lost power except in death when their duties are passed to new members who are chosen by the existing members. When the libertarians aboard Mohammed tried a revolution they were quickly subdued by the ultra powerful police state that had been created. Subsequent efforts on other ships were dealt with just as swiftly. Eventually history says we realized the wisedom of The Board and we never questioned them again.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Remember The Alamo
Mid-morning had broken and it was finally getting warm after the long winter. Jeff walked out onto his porch and he could feel the beads of sweat beginning to form on the top of his forehead; the first in months, due to weather. The wind was blowing but it was a cold, very humid wind.
He sat down on the stairs leading up to his front doorway. He had his boots in his hands and as he shoved his feet into them he looked over his land. The sky had a few clouds, but there probably wouldn't be any rain today. There hadn't been rain in a couple weeks, but somehow his little ranch in the middle of the hill country felt as humid as ever.
The 1500 acres were acquired in a cattle deal in Fort Worth shortly after the Mexican land deal in 1824. He used to be quite the savvy business man but as he stood up from the steps and felt the aches in his knees and back, he wondered if he really got the better end of that deal.
He traversed the fence line to the barn where he kept his horses. He wasn't a cowboy in the typical sense, but despite his city upbringing he was quite the designer when it came to fence-work. The land had a small tributary of the Colorado river flowing through it. Mesquite ran rampant along the creek and in the early years of the ranch became quite a burden. Learning the ideal way to turn a gnarly weed like the mesquite tree into fence line was difficult but he enjoyed the task and now had fence line that could stand up to anything the brutal Texas weather could muster.
As he opened the barn door he caught eye on a rider coming up the road very quickly. Swinging open the barn door, Jeff grabbed his rifle from the wall mount and jumped on his paint Anita. They hustled out to meet the rider.
The rider was a large cowboy and from the look of the dried mud on the back legs of his horse, he had been riding for quite some time.
"Woh there rider, what's your name? What's your business in these parts?"
"Name's, Jack McKinney, I come to rally the Texans in the Hill Country. Santa Ana has massacred over 300 in San Antonio at the Alamo. We held him for days but we lost Travis, Bowie and Crockett. Word is that neither Fannin nor Houston would come to Travis' aid but that Houston is planning a massive assault against the Mexicans. We need all soldiers we can to stand up for our independence."
He sat down on the stairs leading up to his front doorway. He had his boots in his hands and as he shoved his feet into them he looked over his land. The sky had a few clouds, but there probably wouldn't be any rain today. There hadn't been rain in a couple weeks, but somehow his little ranch in the middle of the hill country felt as humid as ever.
The 1500 acres were acquired in a cattle deal in Fort Worth shortly after the Mexican land deal in 1824. He used to be quite the savvy business man but as he stood up from the steps and felt the aches in his knees and back, he wondered if he really got the better end of that deal.
He traversed the fence line to the barn where he kept his horses. He wasn't a cowboy in the typical sense, but despite his city upbringing he was quite the designer when it came to fence-work. The land had a small tributary of the Colorado river flowing through it. Mesquite ran rampant along the creek and in the early years of the ranch became quite a burden. Learning the ideal way to turn a gnarly weed like the mesquite tree into fence line was difficult but he enjoyed the task and now had fence line that could stand up to anything the brutal Texas weather could muster.
As he opened the barn door he caught eye on a rider coming up the road very quickly. Swinging open the barn door, Jeff grabbed his rifle from the wall mount and jumped on his paint Anita. They hustled out to meet the rider.
The rider was a large cowboy and from the look of the dried mud on the back legs of his horse, he had been riding for quite some time.
"Woh there rider, what's your name? What's your business in these parts?"
"Name's, Jack McKinney, I come to rally the Texans in the Hill Country. Santa Ana has massacred over 300 in San Antonio at the Alamo. We held him for days but we lost Travis, Bowie and Crockett. Word is that neither Fannin nor Houston would come to Travis' aid but that Houston is planning a massive assault against the Mexicans. We need all soldiers we can to stand up for our independence."
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
American Pasttime
Like a boy trying to sleep on Christmas Eve, the walk from the parking lot of the stadium to the front gates was always the epitome of excitement. You could smell the tailgater’s grills charring steaks and brats. The air was hot, but kids running around throwing baseballs and Frisbees didn’t care how sweaty they got. And above it all, on the horizon, a monolith of architecture grew. A shrine to the past time. The anticipation was building.
“You think we’ll win the pennant this year, Dad?”
“I hope so son. We’re right at .500 and we have a history of playing well the second half of the season.”
I wasn’t listening to his reply. In all honesty, I didn’t care, as deep down, my heart was like that of a Chicago Cubs fan. It didn’t matter the score of the game I was watching, as long as I was there.
As we traversed the parking lot the stadium grew bigger and bigger until you couldn’t appreciate its size anymore. We went up to will call to pick up our tickets and Dad let me hold them. The crisp, thick paper was not quite card board but something strong. I could feel the sharp edges of the ticket and strange urge to start folding corners overtook my hands. I think it was the excitement.
The massive gates read “First Base” twenty feet in the air, and like the gate keeper at OZ a smiling man with some grocery store type scanner pointed it at my already wrinkled ticket. He had this look on his face like he knew how excited I was. I wondered for a moment if there was any other mundane profession in the world as fulfilling as the ticket man at a ball park gate. The apex of anticipation culminates right in front of him, and he has the pleasure of watching the faces of thousands of eager fans feel this very moment.
The world changed on the other side of that gate. We were no longer in the real world. Even the air changed, as a cool breeze blew by. We were now in the shade. The ground was a pristine finished concrete. The smell of beer and hot dogs was the first sensation that hits you. But I didn’t have time for these thoughts. My eyes raced around in front of me looking for the sunlight. 'Where is it? I have to see the field.' It doesn’t matter how hungry or thirsty anyone is, the second they walk into a ball park they have to go look at the field.
The upper deck lowering down in front of me; a 4 foot sliver of bright brown and green sunlight was bursting below it. My heart jumped as the light hit my eyes, and I walked straight ahead. Dad was empathetic. Nothing needed to be said, we both knew the unspoken rule. You have to see the field.
As we approached the stairs, the light began to grow like curtains rising. Behold. The most beautiful garden; the perfect lawn; the dirt being watered by the conga line of water hose men; the players hurling passes to each other from one side of the outfield to the other. And above them rose the inside of the stadium. Beautiful arrays of brightly colored plastic seats, separated by a labyrinth of stairs, spread out in panoramic fashion, second only to the size of the West Texas sky.
My heart calmed and a sublime melancholy overcame me, a relaxation after the build up of excitement. After this point all else would be the same delightful tribute to American tradition we relish mid morning on Christmas day. We could all relax now and follow the pattern of a past time that has been passed down through the generations.
“You think we’ll win the pennant this year, Dad?”
“I hope so son. We’re right at .500 and we have a history of playing well the second half of the season.”
I wasn’t listening to his reply. In all honesty, I didn’t care, as deep down, my heart was like that of a Chicago Cubs fan. It didn’t matter the score of the game I was watching, as long as I was there.
As we traversed the parking lot the stadium grew bigger and bigger until you couldn’t appreciate its size anymore. We went up to will call to pick up our tickets and Dad let me hold them. The crisp, thick paper was not quite card board but something strong. I could feel the sharp edges of the ticket and strange urge to start folding corners overtook my hands. I think it was the excitement.
The massive gates read “First Base” twenty feet in the air, and like the gate keeper at OZ a smiling man with some grocery store type scanner pointed it at my already wrinkled ticket. He had this look on his face like he knew how excited I was. I wondered for a moment if there was any other mundane profession in the world as fulfilling as the ticket man at a ball park gate. The apex of anticipation culminates right in front of him, and he has the pleasure of watching the faces of thousands of eager fans feel this very moment.
The world changed on the other side of that gate. We were no longer in the real world. Even the air changed, as a cool breeze blew by. We were now in the shade. The ground was a pristine finished concrete. The smell of beer and hot dogs was the first sensation that hits you. But I didn’t have time for these thoughts. My eyes raced around in front of me looking for the sunlight. 'Where is it? I have to see the field.' It doesn’t matter how hungry or thirsty anyone is, the second they walk into a ball park they have to go look at the field.
The upper deck lowering down in front of me; a 4 foot sliver of bright brown and green sunlight was bursting below it. My heart jumped as the light hit my eyes, and I walked straight ahead. Dad was empathetic. Nothing needed to be said, we both knew the unspoken rule. You have to see the field.
As we approached the stairs, the light began to grow like curtains rising. Behold. The most beautiful garden; the perfect lawn; the dirt being watered by the conga line of water hose men; the players hurling passes to each other from one side of the outfield to the other. And above them rose the inside of the stadium. Beautiful arrays of brightly colored plastic seats, separated by a labyrinth of stairs, spread out in panoramic fashion, second only to the size of the West Texas sky.
My heart calmed and a sublime melancholy overcame me, a relaxation after the build up of excitement. After this point all else would be the same delightful tribute to American tradition we relish mid morning on Christmas day. We could all relax now and follow the pattern of a past time that has been passed down through the generations.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Apple Ghost
Jeff stretched his arms as he wondered what to eat for dinner. “Kirsten, what should we have tonight?”
“I don’t know” She replied…as usual.
He thought for a second, he wasn’t quite hungry but it was six and time to start thinking about such things. He’d found that if he waited till 7:30 choices would become more difficult and he would surely be hungry. The ‘I’ll just skip dinner and eat a snack routine’ never worked for his 240 pound frame. Inevitably, he would become hungry.
“Let’s use that new ITouch App we got, and see if it gives us any good ideas.” Jeff thought.
“Okay but I’m not too hungry.” Kirsten said indicating a state that would most likely make it difficult to come up with a final decision.
Jeff got up from the couch, and looked around his small cluttered apartment. There was no light on the ceiling, just some reading lamps and the tv, giving the room a dream-like orange and blue hue. He could tell he was feeling lazy as he concentrated on the way the carpet felt between his toes. He only notices things like that when he’s feeling lazy. His brain, he wondered, must be so bored as to find interest in even the most mundane of things.
He liked to use the iTouch when he was on the John and so he walked to the master bedroom and turned to the bathroom, walked in, turned the light on and found the iTouch there. Clicking the only real button on the thing, brought him to the “locked” screen showing a beautiful picture of Kirsten and him at their wedding. Interestingly he noted how dark the background was, even though his memories were all very bright blue as the rehearsal took place during the afternoon and early evening.
He slid the iTouch unlocked and opened up the new UrbanSpoon app that they had downloaded this weekend. He gave the iTouch a vigorous shake, probably more vigorous than was necessary he thought, but it got the job done. It came with a couple of standard choices that he quickly passed by. Burgers, no too cheap and greasy, Steak, no to expensive. He shook it again, not looking at the screen, he yelled out of the bathroom to Kirsten who was now in the kitchen cleaning dishes, “I don’t know sweetheart, seems like the same old stuff…”
Just then he heard a yelp and the iTouch vibrated in his hand.
“What the ...?!” He wasn’t sure if it shocked him or vibrated, maybe he was shaking too vigorously, that’s nuts, he thought.
He wasn’t sure what the sound was, was it him, did he yelp. He didn’t think so.
“You alright, Jeff” Kirsten asked from the kitchen having heard some commotion.
“Yeah I think so, craziest thing though, the iTouch made a noise I think and shocked me.”
He had dropped the iTouch on the ground. It was laying in front of him with a black screen.
“I think it’s broken.”
“You should’ve got the insurance on it.” Kirsten said.
Jeff grimaced as she was right once again.
He worried about picking up the iTouch, would it shock him again. The black screen was slightly ominous and he felt a strange feeling like he was being watched. He leaned over to pick up the iTouch and just before his fingers could grab it, the screen lit up blue and grey forming what seemed to be the outline of a ghostly woman, and very loudly he heard the breathy voice.
“NO! Jeff! NO!”
He jumped back shocked by what he heard,
“Holy God! Kirsten, what the ... come look!!”
He looked away just for a second, or did he blink he didn’t know but when he tried to focus on the iTouch again it was on the locked screen as if nothing had happened.
Kirsten ran into the bathroom, Jeff was standing just out of the doorway looking at the iTouch laying on the bathroom floor. She ran in, “What’s the matter? Are you okay? Good lord you scared me!”
“I just saw the craziest thing, the iTouch shocked me then it was on the ground completely black and when I tried to pick it up the screen showed the face of a woman, and it said, “No, Jeff, No”.
“Don’t say that kind of stuff,” Kirsten said, “you’re scaring me.”
“There’s got to be a logical explanation" he thought. Surely this wasn’t a ghost, maybe it was his imagination. He had drank a couple beers that evening. "I need to sit down a second" he thought. This can’t be right.
“I don’t know” She replied…as usual.
He thought for a second, he wasn’t quite hungry but it was six and time to start thinking about such things. He’d found that if he waited till 7:30 choices would become more difficult and he would surely be hungry. The ‘I’ll just skip dinner and eat a snack routine’ never worked for his 240 pound frame. Inevitably, he would become hungry.
“Let’s use that new ITouch App we got, and see if it gives us any good ideas.” Jeff thought.
“Okay but I’m not too hungry.” Kirsten said indicating a state that would most likely make it difficult to come up with a final decision.
Jeff got up from the couch, and looked around his small cluttered apartment. There was no light on the ceiling, just some reading lamps and the tv, giving the room a dream-like orange and blue hue. He could tell he was feeling lazy as he concentrated on the way the carpet felt between his toes. He only notices things like that when he’s feeling lazy. His brain, he wondered, must be so bored as to find interest in even the most mundane of things.
He liked to use the iTouch when he was on the John and so he walked to the master bedroom and turned to the bathroom, walked in, turned the light on and found the iTouch there. Clicking the only real button on the thing, brought him to the “locked” screen showing a beautiful picture of Kirsten and him at their wedding. Interestingly he noted how dark the background was, even though his memories were all very bright blue as the rehearsal took place during the afternoon and early evening.
He slid the iTouch unlocked and opened up the new UrbanSpoon app that they had downloaded this weekend. He gave the iTouch a vigorous shake, probably more vigorous than was necessary he thought, but it got the job done. It came with a couple of standard choices that he quickly passed by. Burgers, no too cheap and greasy, Steak, no to expensive. He shook it again, not looking at the screen, he yelled out of the bathroom to Kirsten who was now in the kitchen cleaning dishes, “I don’t know sweetheart, seems like the same old stuff…”
Just then he heard a yelp and the iTouch vibrated in his hand.
“What the ...?!” He wasn’t sure if it shocked him or vibrated, maybe he was shaking too vigorously, that’s nuts, he thought.
He wasn’t sure what the sound was, was it him, did he yelp. He didn’t think so.
“You alright, Jeff” Kirsten asked from the kitchen having heard some commotion.
“Yeah I think so, craziest thing though, the iTouch made a noise I think and shocked me.”
He had dropped the iTouch on the ground. It was laying in front of him with a black screen.
“I think it’s broken.”
“You should’ve got the insurance on it.” Kirsten said.
Jeff grimaced as she was right once again.
He worried about picking up the iTouch, would it shock him again. The black screen was slightly ominous and he felt a strange feeling like he was being watched. He leaned over to pick up the iTouch and just before his fingers could grab it, the screen lit up blue and grey forming what seemed to be the outline of a ghostly woman, and very loudly he heard the breathy voice.
“NO! Jeff! NO!”
He jumped back shocked by what he heard,
“Holy God! Kirsten, what the ... come look!!”
He looked away just for a second, or did he blink he didn’t know but when he tried to focus on the iTouch again it was on the locked screen as if nothing had happened.
Kirsten ran into the bathroom, Jeff was standing just out of the doorway looking at the iTouch laying on the bathroom floor. She ran in, “What’s the matter? Are you okay? Good lord you scared me!”
“I just saw the craziest thing, the iTouch shocked me then it was on the ground completely black and when I tried to pick it up the screen showed the face of a woman, and it said, “No, Jeff, No”.
“Don’t say that kind of stuff,” Kirsten said, “you’re scaring me.”
“There’s got to be a logical explanation" he thought. Surely this wasn’t a ghost, maybe it was his imagination. He had drank a couple beers that evening. "I need to sit down a second" he thought. This can’t be right.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)